Stop Being a Little Bitch

Dear JDogg:

My girlfriend is driving me nuts. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and when I say this she gets all emotional and thinks that something is wrong. How do I explain to her that it’s just a guy thing, and I just want to be alone to be alone?

- Crowded House

Dear Crowded House:

Man, your problem is one that I am sure many men have all the time. First a few tips, never try to discuss anything about “guy things” with a girl, they won’t get it. Especially never try to explain it when it’s “that time of the month” cuz the bitch will go straight up crazy on you.

Fortunately, there is a solution for you. Send your girl to a day spa. Yes, you heard me, pay the $100 or whatever it is and get the girl out of the house for the day. It will be worth every fucking penny. Not only will she think you bought her a gift, but she’ll have a good time, little does she know that you are actually buying yourself the gift of having a day to your self.

Here ya go: Spa Gift Certificates
.

- JDogg

Dear JDogg:

Hi, I have a thing for strippers, I LOVE them, spend a ton of money on them, and want to take them home with me, but none of them will give me the time of day. I am a good looking guy, I work out, and I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong. Please Help!

- Pole Position

Hello Pole Position:

Strippers are great fun, I have dated a few back in the day. Your problem is very simple, STOP PAYING THE BITCHES FOR DANCES YOU MORON!!!! Jesus, use your head, don’t give them a freaking cent, because as soon as you do you just became a customer, and strippers NEVER date customers, the best you can do it become a Sugar Daddy after that. So, the key is to never buy a dance from a stripper you want to date. If she likes you, she’ll give you dances for free. Don’t even buy her a drink. Most strippers hate men who buy dances from them, so if you want to be liked, don’t do it!!!! Just talk to her, she’ll sit with you and you’ll get to talking and she will ask you out for coffee after her shift, that’s the way it works, that’s the way it always works.

Oh, and the best part about dating a stripper is that they are easy to dump, just say “Well, you’re a stripper and I can’t deal with that anymore”… Viola!

- JDogg

Dear JDogg:

I have been going to the same bar a lot and there is this cocktail waitress working there that I think is totally hot, she has medium blonde hair, a great body and really exotic eyes. The problem is I am afraid to ask her out and I think she has a boyfriend already, but we kind of flirt, so I am not sure. What should I do?

- Chicken

Hello Chicken Shit:

First, let me say, Stop being a little bitch and go ask that girl out. No wait, better yet, tell me where you live so I can go ask her out, because she sounds pretty hot to me. Be a man dammit, girls want you to be a man, and they want you to ask them out, confidence will get you everywhere you want to go. Who cares if she has a boyfriend, almost every girlfriend I have ever had was with another guy only because she was waiting for something better to come along and it was too much work to just leave. So next time you see her, walk up to her and tell her you are going to take her out, don’t even fucking ask, just let her know how it is gonna be.

- JDogg